Exceptional Coffee (and two burritos)

“Do you have any recommendations on where I should order lunch from?” Ross says into the phone, “I’m starving.” It’s 1:11 on a Tuesday and he hasn’t eaten anything since the granola bar and apple he munched at 5:30 that morning. He’s talking to his fiancé, Meg; they’re in their fourth week of running a new business and there’s not always a whole lot of time to eat.

Ross and Meg opened Function Coffee Labs in Bella Vista, replacing Down Dog Café on the corner of Carpenter and 10^th. They’re using carefully selected beans, top-of-the-line equipment, and an obsessive eye for detail to craft the kind of coffee you might appreciate like a good wine.

Ross gets off the phone, sits on a tiny stool in front of his computer and scrolls through Grubhub. He’s briefly interrupted when a couple comes in and scans the chalkboard menu on the wall. It’s a bit different than the usual coffee shop lineup. Four roasts, like Cerrado Gold from Brazil or El Retiro from Columbia, are listed above guidance for the best way to enjoy them. The ‘preparedas’ include pour overs, lattes, coffee shots (same intensity as an espresso shot, without the bitterness of espresso), and cortados (slightly smaller than a cappuccino with about equal parts steamed milk, equal parts espresso). Flavors like ‘honey,’ ‘grapefruit,’ ‘peanut’ are listed under each roast. “All those tasting notes should be there,” Ross says, “You gotta make it taste as good as it says it does on the bag.”

 

As he places the coffee shot on the bar, a slim guy walks in pulling off a blue cooler-backpack. “…I have a burrito order?” he says hesitantly, looking around. Ross looks relieved as he takes the paper bag. Not even pausing to sit down, he unwraps the foil and takes a bite. It’s some kind of breakfast burrito from the new Wild Burrito in South Philly. “It’s really good,” he says, “I’d definitely order it again.”

When Meg works in the shop with Ross, she’ll usually order lunch. She often calls over to Santucci’s and walks down the block to pick it up. Ross likes their BBQ pulled pork sandwich, pizza with prosciutto and longhots, the turkey club wrap, and sweet potato fries (which are “not consistent, but when they’re good, they’re the best I’ve ever had,”).

Sometimes there’s no time to order or pick up. “In the beginning, when we weren’t selling any pastries, I’d just eat pastries for lunch,” Ross laughs, pulling a second burrito from the bag – it’s a 2pm two-in-one. The lunch burrito is vegetarian: peppers, onions, and cilantro lime rice with guacamole and crema. Ross is happy with this one too. He’s perched on a low stool behind the counter, both elbows on his knees, leaning forward and finally filling up. “Mostly my lunch is really sad, so this is nice.”

Ross doesn’t plan to serve lunch at Function. Maybe a quiche here and there, but overall he thinks it would distract their attention from the true focus of the place: exceptional coffee. 

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Here are a few of the things Ross considers in his quest to make the best coffee: The coffee cherries must be harvested at peak ripeness; they must be dried carefully so they don’t ferment; they should be roasted lightly (though not too light or it will taste grassy); they should be ground to even particles; they need to have contact with the right temperature water for the correct amount of time when brewed or extracted; and the final product should be at the proper temperature when sipped. He tasted coffee from 50-60 roasters before he chose their house roaster (Ceremony Coffee Roasters in Annapolis, MD). He uses scales, thermometers and timers every time her makes a drink.

Ross studied mechanical engineering at Penn. After graduating, he moved to England where he taught Physics for six years. He got into coffee around the time he started running marathons and discovered that caffeine was a performance enhancer. After weeding through gas station-like coffee and making his own ‘super strong espresso thing in a French press,’ he found good coffee, and an interest in making it himself. He went to shops all over Europe with Meg and studied coffee blends and barista techniques online. In his last year in England he taught a class on coffee brewing. “I’m the kind of person that, once I get into something, I have to know everything about it and make it the best it can be.”